..Oh well

Okay.. I lied I saw him this weekend theres no letting go... I therfore am going to be single for a very long tim holding on to something that most likely wont go anywhere haha go me. Can't wait for Thursday =)

...Al once asked me why I am so emotionaly guarded it kinda hurt to hear... that was months ago and then Friday my mom and sister were talking to me about guys and I got yelled at for not trying, running away, and giving up. So I started to think about how I could answer these questions why I'm guarded, why I run and I think the answer has kinda always been there... since the day I said you took first in that race to Doug Ive always loved him. I can not fall out of love with him till he either gets a gf, or life tares us apart. Hes leaving for basics.. he told me he was going to try and write... sounds like someone else I know...but theres just something about Doug something that captivates me I don't think Ill ever stop loving him I just may learn to live without him as time ticks by but for now there is no one elses arms I would rather be in, there is no one more I anticipate seeing, and theres no one that can make my heart race and me smile like he does. I am guarded because I am holding a place for him..the one guy I don't have a guard around, the guard is to keep everyone else out because I could not not love Doug, and I could not be around him and be just friends, I could not see him and not feel the urge to kiss him or to lay in his arms. So for now my heart belongs to him and god knows when I see him Thursday 7 days before he leaves for 4 months Im not going to want to let him go for a minute. For this weekend he is all mine =)